Monochroact
by TheDarkWingedAngel
Summary: Because he loved them both and it was said that when you love someone you have to let them go. No matter how much it hurs. Angsty.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Monochroact

**Rating: **T

**Pairing:** Shizuo x Izaya (( Eventual Shizaya ))

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Durarara.

**Plot**: Because he loved them both and it was said that when you love someone you have to let them go. No matter how much it hurs.

**Words**: 1200+

**THIS STORY CONTAINS MALExMALE RELATIONSHIPS.**

- o0o **S** o0o **H** o0o **I** o0o **Z** o0o **A** o0o **Y** o0o **A** o0o –

**This is a fic solely devoted and written for on of my favorite author RukawaGF and her/his fic called 500 Million Debt. A good fic that portrays Izaya and his pain the way as I see it. You should definitely read it. It was good. Mentions of TsugaruxIzaya, ShizuoxIzaya but Eventual Shizaya till the end. **

Also written with this song in mind.

http : / / www (.) youtube (.) com/watch?v=QHEotz7ZElA

- o0o **S** o0o **H** o0o **I** o0o **Z** o0o **A** o0o **Y** o0o **A **o0o –

**Substitute Love: The Crimson Sorrow**

I saw them smiling on the park, they look so happy and so in-love with each other. I know that I should be happy for them too but I can't stop the pain from clutching my heart, tearing it apart and throwing it on the cold unforgiving ground. _It hurts_, so damn much that even I can't stop the tears from falling down.

***Ploc***

I wonder why he never loved me, is it because of my eyes? My smile? Or my personality? It must be because _he _is kind and because _he _doesn't taunt him like I  didn't he realized? _I did it for him to notice me_. Because I believed one day maybe he will notice and that maybe one day his gaze will be concentrated to me. _Me and not my copy_.

***Ploc***

_It's already too late, no mater what I do I could no longer make him love me._

"Izaya-nii! Izaya-nii! I have good news to tell you. He finally told me he loves me!" My twin, Psyche, said with a bright smile. A smile so bright that even my fake ones couldn't even par with them.

Oh how I envy you my twin, because you have what I wanted the most, But I won't hate you. _I can't_.

"Oh? Took the mongoloid too long to realize." I taunted the blond beside you but he seems to ignore me.

_Don't you know he was staring at you with those eyes_.

Those eyes who held all his love for you. **Pathetic**. Ah I forgot. I was just the boy friend's brother, aren't I, and also his very much hated archenemy, his rival. No big deal, right? "Do whatever you want, just care to get a room, will ya?" I told them with a smirk but inside, oh god. Inside it hurts so damn much. Damn you Shizuo for hurting me this way.

"Oh? Where are you going aniki?" Psyche, my innocent brother, asked.

I tried to smile but instead it came out as a crooked smirk.

_Mocking not them but myself for my idiosyncrasy_.

"Out. Don't burn the house while I'm gone." I told them as I waved off with my bag in hand and nonchalance in my movements. "Take care of Psyche, ne, Shizu-chan?" I cackled on my way out but even my supposed laugh sounded foreign- _broken_ to my ears.

I walked the crowded streets of Ikebukuro alone, where I am heading; I don't know but what I only have in mind is to be away- to fly away- out and be gone. To where I don't know but as long as it could dull the pain then I would accept if without a second thought. Even thought the answer means the end.

***Ploc* *Ploc***

Oh rain, how I loved the rain. I wonder if the sky is sympathizing with my feelings. Don't be sky. I hate it, I feel weak. The simple drop turned into a rabid pitter-patter of harsh water rivets, covering the entire city into a wet minx, forcing innocent bystanders to find a suitable hiding place or a refuge from the harsh rain.

I probably looked pathetic right now, more pathetic than the girls who I used to break their hearts when they told me they loved me, how they cared. Is this what they feel?

_Karma is such a bitch, don't you think so?_

I felt the vibration of my phone. My poor soaked phone. With a sigh I took the device from it's hiding place and flipped the small thing open and instantly the name of my twin filled the screen of the small device. I suddenly felt very anxious for a reason, I had a staring duel with the message for a while. Deciding that my cowardice wouldn't bring me any good I clicked_ 'open'_ and silently read the message to myself and slowly I felt _liquid- tears _came off my eyes.

_**"Brother. Thank you for giving us the time to be with each other. And also for accepting him despite how you hated Shizuo. When will you come back?"**_ The message said.

You don't need to add salt to the wound, brother. Can't you see I'm hurting enough already? Stop it. If you wanted him all by yourself all you could have just said so. I wouldn't be angry with you.

_**"Gottago aniki Shizu-"**_ Broken message, quickly written.

_They must be doing something right now._

The thought that they are doing something that should have been with me and not with him broke my heart.

The need to run away suddenly became overpowering, the next thing I knew I was dashing towards the streets,_ with my eyes tightly closed_, as if closing them could remove the pain, the aching. I was running so fast I slipped and fell, throwing off the cellphone I was holding back in the middle of the interception behind me. I was about to leave and forget the annoying device when suddenly it rang again. On a tune reserved only for that one_ special person_. On a tune I chose specially for _him_.

With trembling feet I ran or more like limped towards my forgotten phone and with shaking hands I picked it up, flipping it open once again, noticing how the fall made impact and slightly cracked the LCD but still allowing me to read the name written there.

_**"Shizu-chan."**_ I murmured softly, delicately and full of love that I can't help but wonder if my love for him pars with _my copy _and with renewed hope I clicked 'yes' but a honk of a car halted my movements. The next thing I saw is the blinding whiteness, pain then darkness consuming me whole.

The phone I was holding abandoned, forgotten on the streets not too far away from my bloodied form, on the LCD is the picture of me and and the man who made me feel this pain, _who left me this broken_. The phone flashed for a while till finally it shut down.

Somewhere not to far away from the incident a man who was holding the other line was too busy expressing his hatred that he failed to notice the furious car honks and the telltale sound of some collision before the line went off.

**My Heart Hurts.**

- o0o **S** o0o **H** o0o **I** o0o **Z** o0o **A** o0o **Y** o0o **A** o0o –

I'm not sure if this fic of mine will have another part, or more like second chapter…. It depends on my mood.

Read and Review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Substitute Love  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Shizuo x Izaya (( Eventual **Shizaya** ))  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Durarara.  
**Plot:** Because he loved them both and it was said that when you love someone  
you have to let them go. No matter how much it hurts.  
**Words:** 1265 

**THIS STORY CONTAINS MALExMALE RELATIONSHIPS.**

****

**- o0o S o0o H o0o I o0o Z o0o A o0o Y o0o A o0o –**

_I would like to thank my beta,__**ezzelin**__. _

_She's an angel; she helped me made it better._

_I don't know what I'll do without her.__  
_

**- o0o S o0o H o0o I o0o Z o0o A o0o Y o0o A o0o –**

This is a fic solely devoted and written for one of my favorite authors  
RukawaGF and her fic called _**500 Million Debt**_. A good fic that portrays  
Izaya and his pain the way as I see it. You should definitely read it. It was  
good.  
Mentions of **TsugaruxIzaya**, **ShizuoxIzaya** but Eventual **Shizaya** till the end.

Also written with this song in mind.

** : / / www (.) youtube (.) com/watch?v=QHEotz7ZElA******

**- o0o S o0o H o0o I o0o Z o0o A o0o Y o0o A o0o –**

**Substitute Love: The Agony of the Rose**

___'Something is wrong.'_

'That was the thought that was going inside my head while I was looking at my twin's blood-like eyes.

"Oh? Took the mongoloid too long to realize." Aniki taunted the man beside me.

_'Is that disappointment I see?'_

I suddenly thought when I saw my brother's eyes, but before I was able to confirm the thought the emotion was already gone.

"Do whatever you want, just care to get a room, will ya?" He told us with that infamous smirk of his but something was telling me that my brother was hiding something. I didn't know what exactly made me feel this way, but the fact that my brother had been casting his eyes away from my direction is enough to give me a hunch that he didn't entirely like this thing going on.

"Oh? Where are you going aniki?" I asked softly.

Please don't leave brother, let me explain.

Finally my brother looked at me, at us, and he smiled, just like how I wanted him to be doing. But that was not the smile I was hoping to see from him, never him.

_'Please smile like you mean it.'_

"Out. Don't burn the house while I'm gone." And he made a motion to pick up his bag with a shrug. Then he suddenly turned to the blond beside me. "Take care of Psyche, ne, Shizu-chan?" And he cackled on his way out.

He left us standing there, watching his fading silhouette fade in the dark; it was like watching a lover go. The more you see him walk the more it hurts, funny thing because I knew that my brother was only going for a walk.

"That wasn't so hard." Shizuo suddenly murmured as he went to sit on the sofa. "I was expecting that the flea would put up a fight for you, I'm glad he didn't." He suddenly added as he went to rub his temple.

"Something is wrong with aniki, Shizuo." I suddenly found myself telling my boyfriend. There's no harm in doing so, right? Besides, we promised each other that there would be no secrets between us.

"Don't worry about the flea, Psyche. I'm sure he's fine and if not just let him sulk somewhere. I'm sure that by the time he gets back here he'll be fine." Shizuo tried to reassure me, but why do I have the feeling as if this time his words held not even an ounce of truth?

***Ploc* *Ploc***

I heard the rain tap on the glass of our window.

The rain, we both loved the rain. Aniki and I did. It's been one of our loyal companions every time we were facing problems in our lives, it's been our constant comfort and warning for everything. I wondered if the rain was from brother's pain. I hoped it wasn't.

_'I wonder where brother is now.'_

"Do you want tea, Shizuo?" I suddenly asked as I went to the kitchen, he won't bother me there, and I'd finally have the time to check on my brother.

I took the phone from it's hiding place and silently typed down my sealed inquiry.

_**"Brother. Thank you for giving us the time to be with each other. And also for accepting him despite how you hated Shizuo. When are you coming back?"**__**  
**_  
I waited for a few minutes for my brother to reply, he is just as fast as I am when it comes to using cell phones- normally his reply wouldn't even take a minute to come; but to my disappointment his very much awaited reply never came.

"Psyche." Shizuo suddenly called out from the living room.

_**"Gottago aniki Shizu-"**_

In my haste I made a half-assed message again for my brother, so that I could finally make the tea for Shizuo and me, and with a dampen soul I went back to the living room where my lover was sitting, concerned.

"Took you long to make the tea, you sure you're alright Psyche?" Shizuo asked; he had always been a nice person, even though the vast majority of people generally failed to see that in him.'

"I'm worried about my twin, Shizuo." I said truthfully.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" He asked.

"I don't want you to get involved Shizuo, this problem is between my twin and me." I tried to refuse but I forgot that this was Shizuo we were talking about.

"I don't mind, you are my responsibility now. Your problem is also mine, even if it means talking to that flea therefore I guess I have no choice." And with that he stood and went to the balcony to talk to my brother.

"Hello. Flea? I know you love Psyche and all but I'm his-" But halfway the call I felt the most inexplicable pain I've ever felt which started from the soles of my feet and towards my heart, it was a very painful feeling that almost left me screaming and numb, I didn't even get to hear the other half of my lover's words because of the unbearable pain. By the time Shizuo had finished talking I was already a panting mess.

"Psyche! What happened?"

I tried to smile but the pain was still pulling me down; that must have made my lover more worried because he finally carried me towards the direction of the sofa.

"I'm afraid, Shizuo." I admitted with a deep frown. "What if something happened to Izaya?" I tried to feel the link, the invisible connection that binds us together, the thing that makes us feel as if nothing else could matter as long as we are together.

_'If you are there, please respond.'___

_'...'___

_'Aniki?'___

_'...__'___

_'Aniki?'___

_'...__'___

_'Please.'__  
__**  
**_**Not even a heart beat, not even a peep.**_  
_  
_'Brother, please be alright.'_ I suddenly thought as bitter tears fell out my eyes, from both the physical and emotional pain, as finally the darkness consumed me whole.

"Psyche? Psyche!

**- o0o S o0o H o0o I o0o Z o0o A o0o Y o0o A o0o –**

I would like to thank those who waited for the update of this fic, I know it took me longer to update this.

I apologize.

For now please _**Read and Review**_.


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